do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how does that bad decision feel?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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