so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
