You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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