Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize