Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
