The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
