After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
