i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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