I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
