I want to have your abortion
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
