So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
