in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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