His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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