I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sorry about my life...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
