I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
