Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
