So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
