i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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