i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
