It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
