swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
