She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize