It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're like the curious george of whores
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
