my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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