TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
