next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
