I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
