it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize