You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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