apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
