Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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