1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
