Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
