dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
