she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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