The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
