im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
