wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
