well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
