apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
