maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
