Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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