Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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