I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Randomize