He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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