I smell stomach acid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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