i just had sex bonerless
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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