Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
