You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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