last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
