that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
