goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
