well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
