my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
