Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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