we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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