Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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