I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
