I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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