Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
