im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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