just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
