Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
