When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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