can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize