Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
