it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
